Please Step Out of the Vehicle!

Let’s end the month with a bit of levity, with a nod of apology to all my friends who have served in law enforcement. This story so fondly reminds me of my dear mother-in-law, I simply had to share it.

A lovely, mature woman got pulled over for speeding… and the conversation begins.

Woman: Is there a problem, officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license, please?

Woman: I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?

Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see… Can I see your vehicle registration papers, please?

Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?!?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

Now the officer looks at the woman as he slowly backs away to his car and calls for back- up. Within minutes 5 police cruisers have encircled her car.

A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

Senior Officer 2: Ma’am, please step out of your vehicle!

The woman steps out of her car.

Woman: Is there some problem sir?

Senior Officer: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman, sputtering: Murdered the owner?

Senior Officer: Yes, would you open the trunk of your vehicle, please?

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Senior Officer: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Oh, yes. Here are the registration papers.

She hands him her documents, and the Senior Officer is quite stunned.

Senior Officer: My officer claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag, pulls out her license, and hands it to the Senior Officer. He examines the license and looks quite puzzled.

Senior Officer: Thank you, ma’am. My officer said you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman, with wide eyes: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.


(Smile. But, noooooo…. I do not recommend trying this!)

(Image by Mohamen Hassan)

About Cathy Burnham Martin

Author of 20+ books, and counting! A professional voice-over artist, dedicated foodie, and lifelong corporate communications geek, Cathy Burnham Martin has enjoyed a highly eclectic career, ranging from the arts and journalism to finance, telecommunications, and publishing. Along with her husband, Ron Martin, she has passions for entertaining, gardening, volunteering, active and visual arts, GREAT food, and traveling. Cathy often says, "I believe that we all should live with as much contagious enthusiasm as possible... Whether we're with friends or family, taking people along for the ride is more than half the fun."
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